That fraction for which she is away (by Nisheeth Srivastava, Continuing heart series)

And I said,
“Look in my eyes and we will sink in each other
And hold me,
So our embrace lasts till both of us will become sand,
Yet one!”
But she paused and looked in my eyes,
She wasted one full fraction of second,
(Does she know how tough it is for me?
To resist myself to be close to her in even that fraction)

She wants to talk,
Talk about this world and the words of wisdom,
My wisdom, her wisdom, my ignorance, her ignorance,
She wants to sit and watch the stars and the moon,
In morning,
She leaves my side and,
She wants to touch the flowers and walk on grass with dew,
And come to me n touch my lips with her lips,
But that single fraction of the second for which she leaves,
Makes me feel I am lost in the clutches of time.
In that fraction of time when I don’t feel her warm breath by my side,
I feel my body is freezing and cold like I am dead in an open coffin,
Unable to  move,
Waiting for my burial in snow.

I leave everything,
My life is to sink myself in her,
Her arms, her eyes, her hair, her smile, her fragrance,
My respect, my pride, my honour,
Everything!
I want to sink in her and want her to sink in me,
(The divine indulgence!)
Together sinking in each other and then becoming one,
I want to sink, I want to fall,
I like to hold her and watch the golden pot of sun sinking deep in the sea,
The way I want to sink in her deep blue eyes.
But she pauses to look in my eyes.
She wants to talk,
I want to hide under her shade,
I want to hide from light which blinds me,
The light that ruins my silence,
And to seek peace that I longed for,
I want to hide with her in a burrow where we get so close,
That we are suffocated,
But still breathing close,
Feeling the warmth of the breath just on our closed eyes.
Dying yet immortal!

The moments with her that I want to freeze,
The moments which were slipping with the sand of time,
The moments which I earned as a prize.
Moments, moments and more moments.
But even a fraction when she is away,
I become a beggar,
I sell my life,
I sell my soul,
To God? To Devil? To Human?
(I don’t know.)
I corrupt the world,
I bribe time!
For that fraction of second,
In which she goes away,
I want to feel her touch on my chest,
And her golden hair to cover my face.

When I see her and touch her ,
And with my breath I spell her name,
The contrast of her skin with my skin,
Reminds me of the clouds which cover the shining sun.
I said,
“We know!
We both are one”,
But she still goes away for that fraction of second,
This every second she is away,
Seems like those infinite endless years I spent,
Searching God!
The moment she is away,
I remember my failure in finding God,
In every second she is away,
I miss her breath,
I miss the rhythm of her heart,
I miss the shining smile she has which shines like the first ray of sun on kailash,
I miss the heavenly fragrance which comes whenever she touches me,
I miss the deep blue eyes in which I want to sink,
Alas!
I miss her
Is she  God or an angel?
So rare to find in those fraction of seconds,
Indeed she is God,
The one I seek refuge and seek shelter,
My own God!

Her eyes are like sea,
Her heart an ocean,
And her smile just infinity,
in which I want to get lost,
And is being lost is my good luck?
As I just will see her everywhere,
Her omnipresence,her omnipotence,
Or just her embrace everywhere.
Yes!It must be my destiny,
After suffering the separation of that fraction of second.

And I further said,
“Don’t make me suffer”
I will die,
I will fade off,
I have already traded and bribed time,
To get hold of that fraction when she leaves.
“Just be close,
Just let me sink,
Just let me kiss,
Say no words,
Just feel,
Hold me and we will reach far lands,
With our embrace we will fly to the endless galaxies,
Holding each other so tight that no one could breathe,
But still we will live just with the air of our love”

by Nisheeth Srivastava